We’ve all been there. A hot new game is coming out on a frickin’ TUESDAY, and you have to work at your stupid job when what you really want to do is curl up in a beanbag with a controller in your hand playing Left 4 Duty 6: Evolved online with your friends. It sucks. Of course there’s always the chance you could call in sick to your job, but if the boss gets hip to your jive, you could find yourself with a lot more time to play games than you bargained (or budgeted) for.
To help you when you need it most, I am sharing 5 near-bulletproof ways to miss work to play a new game WITHOUT having to use your vacation days, and WITHOUT drawing too many questions from an annoying supervisor. Almost all of these excuses involve my zero-paperwork/zero-proof philosophy.
When just “being sick” in general won’t cut it….
Diarrhea - Friends, this is the best reason for missing work ever. Everyone has had that killer case of the squirts before, and nobody (including your boss) wants to hear any more details. Tell your boss you are cramping and doubled over with Diarrhea and he’ll totally let you off the hook. For added effect make the call from somewhere in your home that echoes. This excuse is pretty much a one-time deal, so use it wisely.
Pipe Burst - Water damage is serious business, and if your boss is a homeowner he/she will cringe when you tell them that a pipe has burst in your home and that a plumber is coming and you have to be here to change out buckets until they arrive. To help sell the effect, repeatedly ask your boss to hold on for a second and slosh around a plastic cup in a full bathtub. (Single use excuse only)
Mother is VERY sick - A sick aging parent is a pretty hard excuse for any boss with a heart to question. This excuse actually has some replay value, as sick older people tend to stay that way. Just be sure you have a healthy balance in your karma account before attempting this one.
Carpool accident - Notice I didn’t say CAR accident. You were riding with a friend to work as was suggested in the company’s new “Going Green Guide” when that friend who works for another company turned in front of a watermelon truck and blam! You thought you were a goner. You’re okay physically, but you’re really shaken up and its probably best that you try and calm down before trying to drive yourself to work. This excuse is pretty solid because you were released at the scene and your FRIEND is the one who got the injuries. You can’t be asked to produce medical records because you weren’t hurt and your friend is a very private person with HEPA protection. By making it in your FRIEND’S car you avoid the embarrassment of showing up to work in an undamaged vehicle on Wednesday.
Fibromyalgia - Claim to have this disease and you’re virtually assured of a free pass whenever you want it. The disease’s symptoms are as numerous as they are arbitrary. The downer here is that you’re going to need to go to the doctor at some point to get your official diagnosis, but once you have that you can pretty much get any prescription painkiller you want, call in sick whenever you want, and even get a pretty blue tag for your rearview mirror. There’s no sure-fire test for it and once you’ve got your symptoms memorized even an expert will give you the ominus dominus of being an officially unwell person. Fibromyalgia is by far the most reusable of any of these excuses. I have never attempted this myself and reccomend it only to HARDCORE gamers who don’t mind never being able to get a pilots license or operate a crane in the future.
(Thanks DOC)
